ADAB PERGAULAN SUAMI-ISTERI SEJAK PERKAHWINAN

Kewajiban suami

Sebagai seorang suami, dia harus memelihara kesederhanaan dan kesopanan dalam dua belas perkara iaitu:

(1) Walimatul’urus (undangan perkahwinan)

(2) Pergaulan

(3) Bersenda-gurauan

(4) Pimpinan

(5) Kecemburuan

(6) Pemberian Nafkah

(7) Pengajaran

(8) Pembahagian (kalau isteri lebih dari satu)

(9) Pendidikan sewaktu berlaku penyelewengan

(10) Persetubuhan

(11) Kelahiran anak

(12) Perceraian dengan talaq

Pertama: Mengadakan walimah atau undangan adalah sunnat hukumnya

Berkata Anas r.a.: Apabila Rasulullah s.a.w melihat tanda inai pada Abdul Rahman bin Auf r.a., baginda bertanya: Apa ini? Abdul Rahman menjawab: Saya telah menikmati seorang wanita dengan maskahwin emas seberat biji kurma. Maka Rasulullah s.a.w pun mendoakan bagi Abdul Rahman:

“Moga-moga Allah memberkati anda! Adakanlah walimah, walaupun dengan makan roti dan kurma.

Selain itu sunnat memberikan tahniah (ucapan selamat pengantin baru) kepada orang yang baru berkahwin. Seorang yang berjumpa dengan pengantin lelaki mengucapkan:

“Moga-moga Allah memberikan keberkahan kepadamu dan keberkahan untukmu dan menghimpunkan kamu berdua dalam kebaikan.”

Sunnat juga mengisytiharkan perkahwinan kepada orang ramai supaya diketahui. Bersabda Rasulullah s.a.w.:

“Yang memisahkan antara yang halal dengan yang haram ialah bunyi-bunyian rebana dan nyanyian.”

Kedua: Memelihara pergaulan yang baik dengan isteri-isteri serta menanggung segala keburukan yang mungkin berlaku daripada mereka sebagai menunjukkan tanda belas kasihan terhadap mereka itu.

Allah telah berfirman:

“Dan pergaulilah mereka dengan cara yang baik.” (an-Nisa’: 183)

Allah telah berfirman lagi pada menyatakan kebesaran hak mereka ke atas suami:

“Dan mereka sekalian (isteri-isteri) telah mengambil suatu perjanjian yang berat daripada kamu.” (an-Nisa’: 20)

FirmanNya lagi:

“Dan teman yang di samping.” (an-Nisa’: 36)

Setengah para mufassirin mengartikan ayat ini dengan isteri yang sering berada di samping suami sepanjang masa.

Maksud memperbaiki pergaulan dengan isteri-isteri itu bukanlah dengan semata-mata menahan diri dari menimpakan ke atas mereka sesuatu yang tiada diinginnya, malah menanggung segala yang tiada menyenangkan yang mungkin timbul dari mereka, serta bersifat sabar dan tabah untuk menghadapi segala sikap kurang pertimbangan dan kemarahan mereka. Ini adalah untuk menurut jejak langkah Rasulullah s.a.w. kerana isteri-ister Rasul sendiri kadang-kadang melakukan sesuatu yang tiada menyenangkan hati Rasulullah s.a.w dan ada pula yang menrajuk meninggalkan baginda sampai sehari suntuk hingga ke malam.

Ketiga: Hendaklah suami menambah atas sikap kurang pertimbangan dari isteri itu dengan bersenda gurau, memuji-muji serta bermain-main dengannya, kerana semua itu akan melembutkan hati kaum wanita. Rasulullah s.a.w seringkali bersenda gurau dengan isteri-isterinya dan menuruti kehendak-kehendak mereka, sesuai dengan kadar akal fikiran mereka dalam segala macam perbuatan dan perilakunya.

Please read the full article here

Recite/read Surah Kahf on Fridays

Ustaz Muhammad who coaches us in Quran recitation recently recommended us to recite Al-Kahf in place of Surah Yaasin on Fridays. He based this on an authentic hadith of the Prophet pubh.


http://trueword.wordpress.com/tafsir-surah-kahf/ provides some background and tafsir of the surah, some excerpts follow.

Suratul Kahf is a Makkee surah (revealed before the hijrah) between the 8th and 10th year of Prophethood when the persecution was at the highest peak. It was revealed after Suratul Ghaasiyah (88). It has 110 ayaat (verses).

We are encouraged to recite/read Surah Kahf on Fridays. This is something proven from the Sunnah of the Prophet [SAWS]. Below is an excerpt from IslamQA.com on the authentic traditions from the Prophet about Surah Kahf.

There are saheeh ahaadeeth from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) concerning the virtues of reciting Soorat al-Kahf during the day or night of Jumu’ah (Friday). These include:

(a) From Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri, who said: “Whoever reads Soorat al-Kahf on the night of Jumu’ah, will have a light that will stretch between him and the Ancient House (the Ka’bah).”

(Narrated by al-Daarimi, 3407. This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami, 6471)

(b) “Whoever reads Soorat al-Kahf on the day of Jumu’ah, will have a light that will shine from him from one Friday to the next.”

(Narrated by al-Haakim, 2/399; al-Bayhaqi, 3/249. It was classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 6470)

The soorah may be read during the night or the day of Jumu’ah. The night of Jumu’ah starts from sunset on Thursday, and the day of Jumu’ah ends at sunset. Therefore the time for reading this soorah extends from sunset on Thursday to sunset on Friday.

Tafsir of Ayat 1:

Bismillah.

Suratul Kahf:

Kahf is from kaaf haa fa, it means a cave that is in a mountain, and it is very wide and open. There is also the word ghaar for cave (like ghaar hira, cave hira) and this is a cave that is a tight and small space.

All the praises and thanks be to Allah, Who has sent down to His slave the Book (the Quran), and has not placed therein any crookedness.

Allah azza wa jal begins this surah with Hamd, praise of Himself.
Hamd is from ha meem daal.
Hamd is to mention the good attribute of a person, such an attribute that is the at the level of perfection.
Hamd is based on mahabbah (love) and ta’dheem (greatness).
It is not a fake praise, i.e. not done to please the person or with no significance, fake praise is known as madh in Arabic.
Hamd implies admiration, love and magnifying the praise of mahmood (one who is praised). Hamd is sincere, true praise, the mahmood deserves it.
The one doing hamd is doing submission to the one being praised–out of humility.
Hamd also includes sincere gratitude and mentioning the kamaal (perfect, best) traits of someone.

Alhamdulillah appears 38 times in the Qur’an, 5 of them at the beginning of surahs. When a surah begins with hamd, it implies three interpretations:
1. Firstly, to tell, to make it known that: alhamdulillah, all praise and thanks is for Allah. like to announce it.
2. Secondly, when we open something we begin with hamd (like a khutbah).
3. Thirdly, it teaches us how we should praise Allah, and that we must praise Him.

A side note: Allah ta’ala is Al-Hameed, how is this different from mahmood?

Mahmood is one who is praised only when they are praised by someone.

Hameed is One who is ALWAYS deserving of praise, NO MATTER if He is praised or not.

Allah ta’ala is the Most Praiseworthy, whether we do hamd of Him or not. Allahu Akbar!

So Allah ta’ala begins with Alhamdulillah, why is hamd for Him?
Because He is: <<الَّذِي أَنْزَلَ عَلَىٰ عَبْدِهِ الْكِتَابَ>> , the One who sent down upon His servant the Book.
Notice that Allah ta’ala doesn’t call the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam His Messenger, or His Prophet, or a warner, but He calls him: servant.

Therefore, the most honorable name that one can be called is Abdullah or Amatullah, servant of Allah.

Moreover, Allah ta’ala is calling him His slave out of love.

Remember that this surah was revealed in the Makkan period, when the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam was facing such opposition, being called an abd brings comfort.

Abdihi, His slave, has been used in the Qur’an for three instances:

1. In reference to sending down the Qur’an. For example: (25:1), (18:1)

2. In defense of the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam (2:23)

3. When referring to a great favor that Allah gave Him. (17:1)

The Prophet’s rank has been raised with the Israa (ascension to the heavens) and the Qur’an, and he is still an ‘abd–not a king or a ruler.

Al-Kitaab is from kaaf ta ba, and it literally means to collect and combine something. So a kitaab is a collection of messages. Al-Kitaab refers to the Qur’an.

Then Allah continues, <<وَلَمْ يَجْعَلْ لَهُ عِوَجًا>> , and He did not make therein any crookedness.
The word for crookedness is عِوَجًا, ewajaa, from ayn wow jeem and this is an amazing word. It means crookedness or deviance in something. Ewaj is used for something that has been bent.

There are two words from this root of ayn wow jeem:
* 1st one is ‘ewaj, which is conceptual or intangible crookedness. It’s the type of crookedness that someone has in their character, when they are not behaving “straight” or “normal”.
* 2nd word is ‘awaj. And this means something that was straight, but became crooked. This type of crookedness is very easy and obvious to notice.

Allah azza wa jal uses the first word in the ayah, ‘ewaj, not ‘awaj.
This means that the Qur’an has no crooked information, not even the slightest form.

Subhan Allah, this first ayah is negating ANY fault whatsoever in the Qu’ran.

How is the Qur’an not crooked? There is no distortion amongst the verses, the words are just as Allah revealed them. The Qur’an has been preserved by writing, by memorization to the point that we even know HOW the Prophet [SAWS] recited the Qur’an…each word, each letter, even each syllable!

There is no deviation in the teachings or the information, there is no contradiction in it, and there is nothing in the Qur’an contrary to the truth.

WAllahu alam – And Allah knows best.

Secrets of Surat Al-Kahf

View more presentations from ProductiveMuslim.

Dear New Muslim

Taken from Muslim Matters

This is also very useful for born-Muslims




1. Identify those things crucial to Islam - Abstain from Prohibitions, Understand the basic creed of Islam - The Shahadah
2. Mandatory acts of worship - the 5 rukuns, make sincere effort to practise and Allah makes the path easy by bestowing his blessingsupon you
3. Refer to qualified learned people - they must be well-grounded in the Quran and Sunnah, have strong community leadership, are willing to discuss different points of view
4. Social relationships - be part of the Muslim community for getting friendship/companionship yet still maintaining your culture as long as you don't transgress the limits of the religion

There will be challenges, tasks and it's not meant to be easy. The greatest thing you can do for yourself is to equip yourself with the knowledge to navigate that path and to continue to learn about Islam so that you won't be confused, wayward and be blown in the wind.

How to Make your Husband Happy

Taken from: http://www.themodernreligion.com/women/happyhubby.html





To help strengthening the Muslim families and spread the teachings of Islam in building families, the Muslim Students' Association at the University of Alberta prepared a extremely summarized translation for two books. The books are Arabic by Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed. An Egyptian scholar, who graduated from the Islamic University of AlMadinah Al-Munawwarah in Saudi Arabia. The two books are:

1- How to make your wife happy

2- How to make your husband happy

These books exceed the traditional presentation of stating rights and duties to the 'Adab (good manners) and extend into application of these rights in daily life. The following summary highlights mainly the responsibilities or examples of what could or should be done. Every single item mentioned by the author is supported by evidences from Qur'an, Sunnah or the actions of the companions, but evidences are omitted in this translation. The following is the translation of the SECOND book.

This translation is copyrighted to MSA at University of Alberta. Feel free to repost it or reprint it by all means, provided that you do not make any changes, additions, or omissions without permission.

1. Beautiful Reception. After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you, begin with a good greeting

• Meet him with a cheerful face.
• Beautify and perfume yourself
• Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested
• Receive him with loving and yearning sentences
• Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.

2. Beautify and Soften the Voice

• For your husband only, it shouldn't be used in front of non-mahram men (men who can marry you if you were unmarried)

3. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

• Taking good care of your body and fitness
• Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes
• Bath regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces or bad smells
• Avoid that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape
• Avoid prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoo
• Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes
• Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time
• However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course, only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.

4. Intercourse

• Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.
• Keep your body clean and smelling good as possible including cleaning yourself of released fluids during intercourse.
• Exchange loving phrases with your husband.
• Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire.
• Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband, and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a travel, weekends, etc.

5. Satisfaction With What Allah (SWT) Has Allotted

• You shouldn't be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job.
• You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember Allah (SWT) for all that was given to you
• You should remember that real wealth lays in Iman and piety.

6. Indifference to Worldly Things

• You should not consider this world as your hope and interest
• You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things
• Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible (Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the hereafter and utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Jannah).
• Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.

7. Appreciation

• By the saying of the prophet, the majority of people in hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
• The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways
• The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be dissappointed and will start asking himself: Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates?

8. Devotion and Loyalty

• In particular in times of calamities in your husband's body or business, e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy
• Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.

9. Compliance to Him

• In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram).
• In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant

10. Pleasing Him If He Is Angry

• First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger.
• But if it happens that you can't, then try to appease him as follows:
1- If you mistaken, then apologize

2- If he mistaken then:
# Keep still instead of arguing or

# Yield you were right or

# Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him.
3- If he was angry because of external reasons then:
# Keeping silent untill his anger goes

# Find execuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, some one insulted him

# Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened, e.g.
1) You should tell me what happened?

2) I must know what made you so angry.

3) You are hidding something, and I have the right to know

11. Guardianship While He is Absent

• Protecting yourself from any prohibited relations
• Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don't like other people to know
• Take care of the house and children
• Take care of his money and properties
• Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full hijab
• Refuse people whom he does not like to come over
• Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place
• Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence

12. Showing Respect for his Family and Friends

• You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his parents
• You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives
• You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife
• Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.
• Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home.
• Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc.

13. Admirable Jealousy

• Jealousy is a sign for wife's love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulating or backbiting others, disrespecting them, etc.
• You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.

14. Patience and Emotional Support

• Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.
• When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your husband, your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc.
• When facing hardships in Da'wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested, etc.), be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of paradise.
• When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment

15. Support in Obedience to Allah, Da'wah and Jihad

• Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.* Encourage him to pray at night.
• Listen and reciting the Qur'an individually and with your husband.
• Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.
• Remember Allah SWT much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.
• Share in arranging Da'wah activities for women and children.
• Learn Islamic rules (ahkam) and good manners ('adab) for women.
• Support your husband's activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
• Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for Da'wah.
• Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and children will be in the preservation of Allah SWT.

15. Good Housekeeping

• Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged.
• Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom.
• Perfect of food and prepare healthy foods.
• Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing.
• Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.

17. Preservation of Finances and the Family

• Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
• Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
• Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.

Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed, for the translator brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors.

How to Make Your Wife Happy

by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed

1. Beautiful Reception

After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:

• begin with a good greeting.
• Start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du'aa for her as well.
• Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!

2. Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations

• Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones.
• Give her your attention when you speak of she speaks.
• Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.
• Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc.

3. Friendliness and Recreation

• Spend time talking together.
• Tell her good news.
• Remember your good memories together.

4. Games and Distractions

• Joking around & having a sense of humor.
• Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever.
• Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.
• Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.

5. Assistance in the Household

• Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick or tired.
• The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work.

6. Consultation (Shurah)

• Specifically in family matters.
• Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.
• Studying her opinion carefully.
• Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.
• Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.

7. Visiting Others

• Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)
• Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.
• Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.

8. Conduct During Travel

• Offer a warm farewell and good advice.
• Ask her to pray for him.
• Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence.
• Give her enough money for what she might need.
• Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc..
• Return as soon as possible.
• Bring her a gift!
• Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.
• Take her with you if possible.

9. Financial Support

• The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
• He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).
• He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.

10. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

• Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
• Always being clean and neat.
• Put on perfume for her.

11. Intercourse

• It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)
• Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.
• Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus).
• Begin with foreplay including words of love.
• Continue until you have satisfied her desire.
• Relax and joke around afterwards.
• Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it is haram
• Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do it first while he is looking on.
• Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy.
• Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.

12. Guarding Privacy

• Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters.

13. Aiding in the Obedience to Allah

• Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiam-ul-Layl" (extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua).
• Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer.
• Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet) in the morning and evening.
• Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale.
• Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.

14. Showing Respect for her Family and Friends

• Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
• Invite them to visit her and welcome them.
• Give them presents on special occasions.
• Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..
• Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first. Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.

15. (Islamic) Training & Admonition

This includes

• The basics of Islam
• Her duties and rights
• Reading and writing
• Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs
• Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women
• Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library

16. Admirable Jealousy

• Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house.
• Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.
• Avoiding excess jealousy. Examples of this are: 1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean. 2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just. 3- Preventing her from answering the phone. 4- etc.

17. Patience and Mildness

• Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.
• Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc..
• Forgive the mistakes she does to you (See item 18).
• How can you best correct her mistakes? 1- First, implicit and explicit advice several times. 2- Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings). Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room, leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.

18. Pardoning and Appropriate Censure

• Accounting her only for larger mistakes.
• Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..
• Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.
• Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing.
• Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment.
• Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations.
• Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.
• When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others.
• Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words.

Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed, for the translator brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors.

A Wife

From http://www.zawaj.com

This article has been widely atributed to a lecture given by Sheikh Abdullah Adhami, but I have been informed that he is not the actual author, so for now it is, Author Unknown.

By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.

She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you; when you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for some time she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.

The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "They are your garments and you are their garments." (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187). Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.

The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)

Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)

But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.

Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She outran him but later after she had gained some weight, he outran her. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating. Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "One would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife"

Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.

Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.

Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up, even by splashing cold water on his/her face.

Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said, "The best of you are those who are best to their wives"

Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents." Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said, "I don't like yours either." Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.

The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years, extended to include all those she loved; this love of his continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying, "O Allah let it be Hala."

Backbiting and Slander

BACKBITING

Is when you say something about a person in his absence that he would not like for you to say, and it is the truth

Includes going round telling your business to others eg your husband beat you up last night, your husband wouldn't like you to tell anyone what he did, unless you are telling someone who can help you for instance, an imam


SLANDER is worse than backbiting: Is to say something about a person that the person would not like behind his back that is not true

GOSSIP is to go round carrying tales about people to other people

ALLAH WARNED US IN THE QURAN
(in the interpretation of the meaning)
Allah says: And do not backbite one another
Allah says: Woe to every slanderer and backbiter
Allah says: A slanderer going about with gossip

This is a horrific sin: Is in the same category of sin as Adultery, Fornification, Stealing etc



HADEETH RASULULLAH

1. "The one who speaks gossip will not enter Paradise"

2. The Prophet, pbuh, once passed by 2 graves and he said, "Verily both of the occupants in the grave are being tortured and they are not being tortured for something major: one is being tortured for not cleaning himself of urine; and the other for going round gossipping about other people".

3. Once in a sermon the prophet, pbuh said, "Verily your blood and your wealth and your honour are sacred for you just as this day of yours is sacred, and this land of yours and in this month of yours, have I not conveyed?"

4. "On the day of judgement after the people cross the sirat bridge you will be stopped, you will be stopped and prevented from entering Paradise, you will be told to settle the score, pay up for the slander, gossip and backbiting and you will then be thrown into hell-fire."

5. "When I ascended to the heaven I came across a people who had nails made of brass with which they are scratching their faces and chests and I asked Gibrail: Who are these people Gibrail? - They are the ones who ate the flesh of people and dishonour them."

6. "A Muslim is the brother of another Muslim, he does not betray him, nor does he lie to him, nor does he forsake him. All of the Muslim to another Muslim is sacred, that means his honour, his wealth, his blood. Taqwa, which is fear and obedience to Allah is right here (and he pointed to his chest)."

Only Allah knows who is pious, because piety is in your heart. You could be calling someone pious but they are sitting around backbiting another individual.

Backbiting, Slander and gossip are serious sins which we need to seek refuge with Allah from

THE LIMITS OF BACKBITING

Instances when backbiting is allowed:

1. To warn the other Muslims against the evils of a person eg he is a known renegade against Islam, he interferes in the establishment of Islam. It becomes your obligation to warn others of him.

2. When you want to get help in regards of your problems from a person who can help you like an imam

Investing in Time (rather than hanging round the internet)

Ask yourself - Am I utilising my time in a way that pleases Allah or in a way that brings shame to myself andAllah would punish me for?

Duties that are demanded of us by Allah:
1. Ensuring benefit from time
2. Race to do good deeds - who have I helped, who have I harmed?
3. Fulfill your commitments


Hadeeth Rasulullah - Grab 5 things before 5 things affect you

1. Make the best of your youth before you become decrepitude
2. Make the best of your health before you become sick
3. Make the best of your wealth before you become poor
   
4. Make the best of your leisure time before you have to work
   
5. Make the best of your life before your death

Hadeeth Rasulullah - Lose no time to do good deeds before we are hit with one of 7 calamities which may be awaiting you

1. Starvation which may impair your wisdom
   
2. Prosperity which may mislead you
   
3. Ailment which may damage your health
4. Old-age which may harm your senses
5. Sudden death
   
6. Dajjal
7. The Last Hour which is indeed the hardest and most bitter
   

Hadeeth Rasulullah - If a person becomes worried, it is then that he rushes and rushes to try and do as many good deeds as he can



Hadeeth Rasulullah - Rise early to earn your living and do your affairs because it brings blessings and success

Hadeeth Rasulullah - Get up, and witness your Lord's bounty and do not be among those who are indifferent. Allah distributes daily bread between the break of dawn and sunrise.

Hadeeth Rasulullah - During your sleep, Shaitan ties 3 knots at the back of your neck and he says " the night is long so keep on sleeping". When the person gets up and praises Allah, one knot is loosened, when the person goes and make wudu' another knot is loosened, and when the person goes and pray, the last knot is loosened. And after that the person becomes energetic and happy, otherwise the person becomes listless and grouchy.

Hadeeth Rasulullah - When one of you wakes up from your sleep, you should make your wudu rinse your nose three times because Shaitan stays in the upper part of your nose during the night.

Hadeeth Rasulullah - (Of a man who sleeps throughThis is a man whom Shaitan had urinated into his two ears.

If your heart is weak in faith Shaitan whispers to you to become lazy, to put off doing deeds, so we have to be on guard against the Shaitan, against laziness, and procrastination

The strong believer does not procrastinate. He wakes up in the morning and gets his deeds done early and enjoys his day.

The believer asks -
what can I do today to get closer to Allah?
is there something else I can do?
is this something I should be doing or is this a waste of my time?
is this beneficial for me or is this not beneficial for me?

The believer does not sit around and allow Shaitan to dupe him- into getting involved in frivolous things - talking too much, sleeping too much, eating too much, drinking too much.
This things all can deaden the heart


The believer will fight those urges and he will make sure whatever he does whatever he spends his time is going to be beneficial, going to bring him closer to Allah and not something that will take him away from Allah

Reflect upon these words today!

10 Useless Matters

1. Having knowledge that is not acted upon
   
2. A deed or action that has neither sincerity in it nor follow the way of the Prophet pbuh
   
3. Having money that is hoarded - not enjoyed during this life and will not benefit in the next
   
4. Having a heart that is empty of love and longing for Allah and seeking closeness to him
   
5. Having a body that does not obey and serve Allah
   
6. Loving Allah without seeking his pleasure by obeying him
   
7. Having time and that is not spent in dooing good deeds and seeking forgiveness
   
8. Having a mind that thinks about useless matters
   
9. Serving those who do not bring us those closer to Allah
   
10. Hoping and fearing someone who cannot benefit or harm us
    

The greatest of all the useless matters is the

1. Waste of heart - by preferring this life instead of the next - i
2. Waste of time - having incessant hopes and desires

Is our heart focussed on Allah or is it seeking fame and companionship on something else other than the closeness of Allah

Manage our time - especially for Muslim women because women are weaker in faith, women give in to their emotions more, women suffer from loneliness and depression more than men do, women are always seeking love, and looking for the rainbow that may not exist

1. Identify your life-goals - should be specific, documented, set deadlines, short-term goals must jive-in with long term goals
   
2. Plan ahead - set a daily to-do list and review regularly
3. Set prioritise - relieves stress of too little time, focus our energy on the most important things

Islam encourages Muslims to care for time, to utilise time, to not waste our time and holds us responsible for how we spend our time

In Islam time is not money, time is more important than money. How I am spending my time may determine if I even get any money.

The highest and most worthy and most useful of reflection is when it is intended for Allah and the Hereafter.

Surah Al-Fatiha in British Sign Language

From Muslim Matters